Something unusual is happening these days on the shores of our small town. It’s not about a man but rather a women’s column—born out of a need to give a voice to women!
I remember, a long time ago, when I was still very young, an older friend complimented me, saying I was the most beautiful and feminine girl she had ever met. We were standing by the riverbank, and if I hadn’t thrown her into the water at that moment, I certainly never would have. During my teenage years, I dressed like a boy—jeans, a fan jacket, and my long hair flowing freely. I was thrilled, thinking, “There’s no one bigger than me!” And yet, she called me “feminine”!
What!?
It was a long time ago, but the question remains: what is the issue with “femininity”? At the end of the day, what does it imply? What does it mean to be a woman? What does it mean to be feminine? What did it mean at the end of the twentieth century, and what does it mean today, as we are well into the twenty-first century?
Am I “a girl with a boy’s mind,” “a boy in a girl’s body,” or something else entirely?
Fortunately, despite many things being taken from me, I still have at least one of my human rights—the right to feel and identify as I wish. So I can freely say: I am a woman. I personally believe that femininity, like masculinity, comes in many forms. We cannot, nor could we, all conform to a single traditional-stereotypical representation of femininity and masculinity, even though we have been tied to such roles for centuries. I believe that then, as now, not all men were equally “masculine,” nor were all women equally “feminine.” A stereotypical and uniform way of life leaves no room for the development of diverse identities and social differences within a single gender. And yet, nature—God forbid (or God, for those who believe)—did not mold all individuals the same. We believed in the uniqueness of every human being the moment we discovered that no two fingerprints or irises are identical. But are we really as unique as we think?
In modern times, we have the opportunity to earn our livelihood through various jobs, which allows for a freer development of a wide range of personalities. With machines doing much of the work for us, we have more than enough free time to explore where we fit in that broad spectrum
As society evolved, it did so despite efforts to halt its progress. We now have millions of boys and girls growing up to become men and women with diverse experiences and professions, resulting in a wonderful variety of personalities. Yet, it seems as if some forces, almost as if by divine intervention, still attempt to mold us into conformity.
Nice try!
Once you discover who you are, there is no going back. You can no longer live as something you are not. “You can’t put the genie back in the bottle,” as they say. Therefore, I consider the imposition of stereotypical identities on people to be a form of severe violence.
In our time, we are accustomed to various forms of violence. The question is whether we should strive to change this. Should we call for a rebellion against these impositions, for everyone to question and assert their true selves? After all, this concerns us all. The simple, human, self-imposed question: “Who am I?”
For me, my “Who am I?” has led to a range of answers because, truth be told, none of us has only one identity. My primary identity is tied to my relationship with God, as I am a deeply religious believer. However, for the purposes of this text, I will start with “I am a woman.” What kind of woman I am and whether others will like it is another matter. What I can say with certainty is that I am a “Svojsuz”—with a capital “S.”
Being “self-sufficient” and “out of this world” has been my identity since childhood, and in adulthood, these words have taken on capital letters. Not because it’s a fictional alter-ego behind which I hide, but because these words are synonymous with the name and surname I was given at birth. They gave it to me without my advice, opinion, or consent, and they marked me with it.
Now, some might say, “Well, for heaven’s sake, why should we care about this woman and her musings?” Perhaps it should be this way for all of us. Even I named my children (remarkably, considering my “Svojsuz Mimosvejte” persona) without their consultation or consent, simply because they were babies. We were all given names at birth, but that doesn’t mean we must be “fixed” in them. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t search for ourselves and explore our inner selves, perhaps even renaming or redefining who we are.
The question “Who am I?” is often lost in the adult world, overshadowed by concerns like paying bills, rent, or loans. Many people focus on “Who am I in the eyes of others?” and “How do others see me?” because these questions affect their social status.
I suspect that my lack of focus on these external validations has always made me feel “self-taught” and “out of the world.” It has always been more important to me how I see myself and how I can live with myself in my own four walls. After all, each night I rest my head on the pillow with only my thoughts and conscience, regardless of whether I share that pillow with someone else or not.
So, even though I am “Svojsuz,” I am still a woman. When I recently read that the majority of columnists in Bosnia and Herzegovina are men, and that only 16% are women, it prompted me to “put pen to paper.” Although I had received invitations to write before, this information was a decisive turning point. Now, you have the chance to engage with another woman—one whom some describe as “having a man’s mind” and others as “extremely feminine.” Whatever you, dear readers, perceive between the lines is your choice. The important thing is that you think critically, with an open mind and your own judgment.
I hope you will join me in this intellectual revolution, and even if you disagree with me, I encourage you to read and comment—whether it’s a muttered thought or a unique, authentic perspective.
I hope so, because developing a critical mind and a free awareness of ourselves and the world around us is crucial for personal progress and the advancement of society.
Start each day with the question: “Who am I?”
And… good luck!
